1. |
well i thought
03:34
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well i thought i was called to be brighter than the ones who laid the path for me
well i thought i was s’posed to be graceful and smile through a kick in the teeth
and the penance we paid by surviving each day would ensure that the world would proceed
and the progress would solve all our problems so we’d never again have to bleed
i was told it would hold up in daylight and not crumble to dust at our feet
with all promises dead in the rear view and the shaking hands cast off to sea
and we bled ourselves dry with the cleavers provided by smiles showing sharp and white teeth
as the temperature clambered to head height, there was never a plan we could keep
the time for regret is supplanted by the rage to demand our release
we are starting to choke in a cloud of terror
we’ll be snuffed out by smoke when the world’s over
we are starting to choke in a cloud of terror
we’ll be snuffed out by smoke when the world’s done
is there any way to move against the groove?
the spiral
when the world thinks you’re only a body, there’s no room in your mind left for peace
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2. |
wax
02:45
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i've been trying to get the bugs out of my head for the last two years
i've been bloodletting wax crayons wax candles wax just like a mannequin
don't you, don't you, don't you
don't you, don't you, don't you want to live comfortably?
don't you, don't you, don't you
don't you, don't you, don't you want to forget your name?
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3. |
resin
04:18
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my hands connect to yours in my best dreams
we’re never out of arms’ reach
it comes and goes and when it comes you know
i’m on the floor alone, so
take me to the sun
i have had enough
of myself
can’t color with no lines
it’s pulling teeth and dragging both my feet
all on repeat, it’s every week
if i could show you everything i know
it wouldn’t sound half as sweet as
everybody else
tearing muscle cells
easily
with angels on their minds
everybody else
higher on the shelf
beating me
so am i not alight?
when you find your day to day
is a compromise your hands belie
sun that shines into your eyes
and asks you why you’re still alive
these walls will hold your head inside
a bug in glass in amber light
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4. |
nativity scene
02:55
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baby in a box
on a plywood backdrop
faces painted on
disfigured by lawn lights
moonlight bounces up and lights the face
of the man and mother who just smile so softly
wonder what it's like
to know what your life's for
to watch your purpose born
and the raccoons behind are going wild
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5. |
riverside
05:08
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it’s not riverside
but you more than make up for that
it’s not “am i alright?”
it’s all in the cause of it
did you lure me in
with what your hands can’t allow
four moccasins
something saccharine
it’s a fable for now
autumn arrives
with a drill, a tap, a trazodone
another counting down
pencil creases beside the thumb
have you learned how to live
like you’ve nothing to hide
have you learned how to die
how you wanted to
with no mess left behind
back through your eyes to days of trash and glitter
back when your mind was top of the litter
when sweetness was never in short supply
with sun at the fringe of a winter sky
and a snowfall could lift you up out of your everyday
it’s not the same kind of light that you recall that was streaming down the hall in your youth
step out of memory out into a blizzard now, are your winters getting colder year by year
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6. |
black diamond
05:50
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my hands aren’t as open as i remembered
and it’s not grown any easier now to breathe
like a cat i watched from the rafters
as it all came tumbling after
with the voice and tone of a pastor
shouting warnings of a disaster
but my head was divided, my ears wouldn’t bother to hear
and all the wooden floors i’ve spent a night upon
poison buds in spring allure a fawn
wish i could stay a bit longer but i just move on, oh
i just wanna feel something better than alright
i just want to sleep a little easier tonight
can you read the ending of a life?
is that too much?
rotting away like forgotten leftover thank-yous
hollowed out just to show me what i don't hold
empty people make the emptiest art
with my head on my knees and it still doesn't start
at the bottom of buses, in the back of a car
spilling into the sink with a chain on my heart, oh
i couldn't even be the loneliest person on earth
and all the kitchen floors i’ve watched you die upon
crawling back to lie on summer lawns
begging to stay in the warmth as the year marches on, oh
i just wanna feel something better than alright
i just want to sleep a little easier tonight
can i write the ending of my life?
is that too much?
it sets in when you’re young
when you haven’t made defenses
and glides from room to room
hiding in old boxes
hiding in newspapers
and you’ll never see it
just the trail that it leaves
on your arms
bridge is not a chairlift
ledge is not a slope
but we learn to make do as you do
bridge is not a chairlift
ledge is not a slope
but we learn to make do with the blues
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7. |
crunch
05:49
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(cleaning up the mess we left behind
it just spreads around like paint)
everybody wants into the pretty house
built on empty caches and spines
its their duty to run around like wild dogs
as it is mine to turn back into stone
everybody wants into the warehouse floor where the speaker static drowns out everything
footsteps echo in the halls
where the cots are all aligned
and it’s always been the sound they scramble frequency to hide
every drop of blood that pools along the floor
is fed into the fog machine
footsteps echo in the halls
where the bodies are aligned
and their mouths are open screaming in the dead of night
something came in through the walls
(dies irae)
and it bit me on the hand
(dies illa)
and it promised me a better life, a cleaner death
(solvet sæclum)
when it comes back again, when it comes back again
(in favilla)
you were captured in a thirty-five of film
and surrendered into studio control
a map is never still unless it lies
and by design all maps are liars
by its grace you were absolved of all your sin
through some minor edits to the script
spun around until you don’t know where you are
cut apart until you don’t know who you are
(you cannot run from hope cause it will sneak up on you
you cannot run from fear cause it has its teeth in you
you cannot run from hope cause it will sneak up on you
you cannot run from fear cause it has its teeth in you)
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8. |
perseverance
01:40
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9. |
disconnect
04:21
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this is the point where no one hears you
the signal’s lost, the comms are dead
this is the point where no one can reach you
save the ties to other lives you would efface
when you cut the cord i watched you
spiral out into the void and your face
bore the valleys of some heavy burden i could never see
and the lines across your back i couldn’t trace
i know you’ve gone and dug your grave
but i made the time to see you ‘fore you leave
all your flowers never reached the sun
i was standing in the rubble watching all the buds get plucked out of their place
this is the point where no one believes you
from your fiat of despondency proclaimed
all of language insufficient, and all of movement heresy
and the world kept on turning just the same
i heard you say “i am from nothing and i am nothing
and when nothing’s really all there ever was
will this shared hallucination we call living
mourn the loss of one more hollow-hearted fool?” well i hope it does
i know you’ve gone and dug your grave
but i made the time to see you ‘fore you leave
i still offer you the hand of a companion
i will stay inside the walls that you have set up as your penitentiary cage
and the days have changed but i’m still here the same
and the light may fade but i’m still here the same
till the day i die i’m still here
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